I’m woken up by the start of an engine, I slowly stir in my bed heavy with remnants of sleep. I stayed late watching Netflix’s Queen Charlotte, now it seems like a bad idea. I gaze at the ceiling for a moment before I turn to pick my phone. My mind is still partially asleep, I look at my WhatsApp and see notification from the family group, my brother and sister have already wished dad a happy father’s day. I curse underneath my breath after the realization I had forgotten about it.
I google father’s day quotes but I can’t see anything catchy, so I opt for twitter maybe I can find something nice to copy paste. I only find tweets from Otero rambling stuff about father figures and Brenda Wairimu’s pic, she’s pretty; I think to myself, how did Juliani even fumble such a beauty. My minutes seems stretched then I remember I had something drafted on my Samsung notes app, I copy paste to the whatsapp group.
Its Sunday, it looks like Sunday. I embrace the day by playing some Grauchi, ever since I was asked, “Bro hujui Grauchi?” he’s been my go to mix deejay. Remember when knowing lyrics to Carly Rae Jepsen ‘Call me maybe’ was a classy cultural setting, it was literally the blue print of the most fashionable teens, like supra shoes back then, only for the elite, Grauchi is on a similar level just on a modern setting.
I am now fully present in the tranquility of Sunday morning, I don’t want to run into dad or mom for that Sunday heartfelt conversation concerning my stance on not going to church. I haven’t gone to church since the lock down, not that I have anything against church, like Dax’s ‘Dear God’, “I don’t want religion, I need that spirituality.’
A yawn escapes my lips as my mind wander and thoughts of Tasha gradually consumes me freely. There is something about her, I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately, and she’s the most precariously precious thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on. If God loves me I’m going to marry her, I don’t know if I should let her know. I text her, “Hello stranger, I miss you.” She replies immediately,” Who is this?” She already knows who it is because true caller has just notified me someone has just viewed my profile, it is her, it has to be her, who else could it be. I text her never mind, then after a couple of seconds, I tell her its Errol, you deleted my number. She replies, ‘Wewe si special mkuu.” Then she adds, “You can’t live without me.” Followed by laughing emojies. I bite, I tell her don’t beat the gun.
The last time we talked, I put my feelings on the table and spilled my heart out and it didn’t go as well as I had expected, you know how Drake showered Rihanna with so much praises in 2016’s VMA only for Rihanna to reject his kiss and later say that Drake’s speech made her uncomfortable. Yes that’s the “not well as I expected” I’m talking about. I recede to thinking about her in a racy sundress that exposes most of her skin and accentuates her curves, I wonder what would happen if I sneak her into my mum’s house. She replies, “Errol why can’t you just let me be?’ This message sends me into a labyrinth of thoughts and it leads to this article.
My mum remarks that I often write about girls a lot for someone who is not dating, she prefers I focus on masculine topics like cars and car engines instead, but there is something for everyone just like how I feel Tasha is the one for me. Amerix and Andrew Kibe are very opinionated and their views on masculinity are very controversial and as a not so Amerix student this article will disappoint his excellency.
We all have found ourselves captivated by unrequited love, 50 shades of lovelorn or just someone who has captured your heart like Selena and Justin Bieber. ‘Love is merely a madness’- William Shakespeare so I figured I should justify on why I can’t let her be without sounding like I’m delusional or I have attachment issues. Tasha is an example of blooming flowers cascading from majestic cliffs filling the air with sweet fragrance. She is that gentle afternoon breeze when you’re seated under a tree reading ‘To all the boys I’ve loved before’ by Jenny Han.
The masculine preaching by Amerix is men should not simp, but what if there is that one girl who has a profound impact on your life, you know, that girl that wears a bright smile and her laughter literally dances through the air. That girl whose intelligence and wit shines through every word she utters, that girl whose company is your comfort and your conversations are instant connections making you wonder why she wasn’t part of your life sooner.
I’m not saying men should simp neither am I saying men shouldn’t, I’m talking about a Tasha you’re known to. I’m good with words or so I think but every time in the past 4 years I’ve stumbled having a conversation with her, you know, fumbling words, not being able express the depth of admiration and affection, a weak man amerix would say. But truly Tasha is a a poignant backdrop, a picture of her is this picturesque setting and every time she says no I am motivated to come back, like Shakespeare puts it, ‘The cause of true love never did run smooth.’
I know it’s a stretch, but we need not to act so tough, in my fascinating inversion we men are not always the prize, we all have that dream girl the real prize, whom we’d go to depths just win over them. As I said sometimes back, we as a society have inculcated dominions that we ourselves cannot keep up with.
As I write this article I’m listening to ‘Love me like you do’ by Ellie Goulding, as I draft a message to Tasha, maybe this message could be the message that makes… no confirmation bias but I hope this article sells my sensationalism to her. I want her to know that I can’t let her be because I owe her forever, all I’m saying is that I can’t let her be because I dream way too much for my own good. Like Mufasa the Poet says, “I see my life on her lips, I’d put my future on her hips. And I don’t need to be her type, we can stand in front of the mirror if that’s the only way she can see us together.”