The Fotophreak Model of the Week

you all remember last year when owning an Infinix phone was the in thing? I was among the 17.56% population that didn’t own one but really wanted to. I was pressured and I had enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life that is if I died two days later. I had to think fast so I took my then annoying tiny phone and texted my dad;
“Dear my father, we have this very important academic trip that the administration has mandated that every student should pay for regardless whether they want to be part of it or not, failure to which one will not graduate and the university will paralyze all the probable chances of one getting employed both in Kenya and even outside the country.
Also a spectrophotometer and two Bunsen burners is a requirement for the trip”. And my friends that is how I ended up having a mint green Infinix hot note.
Like a week later he calls to ask when the trip was scheduled so I tell him we were already at Magadi. I am complaining of how the place is sunny and stony and I am even acting surprised we are communicating with such clarity since the network at Magadi is always misbehaving. If only he knew I was in the hostel, seated on my bed eating indomie from a Blueband margarine tin partly watching Breaking Bad and at the same time tryna familiarize myself with my new phone.

So this other day I went shopping for mtush {mtumba is bae} and I was pick pocketed and they took my less than three weeks old mint green baby. A story for another day. I was so heartbroken and from that day on I swore never to talk to strangers and to never use my phone while traveling. I would rather read the stickers inside the vehicles, silently judge people especially ladies’ hair styles or sleep as I tightly hold my bag. I am even considering buying a padlock for all my handbags.

Juzi I was on one of my many errands and I boarded a 14 seater matatu. I peep inside first to see if there are any spaces left .The tout is repeatedly shouting ‘watu wakae wannne wanne kama PK ‘so I hurriedly enter before I am given the ‘sambaza’ wooden seat .You all know it righ?! I am the last piece of PK to occupy the back seat and I end up being sandwiched between two young men with not so much to judge from. I have to look around for people to judge so I choose the lady on the seat just in front of me.Her hair is neatly done and so is her nails. Before I could run out of things to judge ,she takes out her huge phone from her bag. Now I am torn between being nosy and minding my own business. It is a real battle between my eyes and my conscience and finally I choose to be nosy. I can see a whatsApp notification and her wallpaper is a red rose flower. Then the moment I have been waiting for comes :she opens her whatsApp chats. The first text is from Steph. Steph is asking if ‘watu walifanya ile CAT jana’. Missy doesn’t reply immediately but proceeds to read the next text from Brayo who is saying he can only do the delivery on Saturday because he is always busy on weekdays. He is hit with a ‘sawa’ reply and the part he says he misses Missy is totally ignored. I am so sorry Brayo. Then suddenly a notification of a text from Babe pops up! My eyes have never been this wide open. She lowers her phone a lil a I am tempted to stand and peep. I don’t get to see what Babe just told Missy and she only allows me to keep eavesdropping when Babe tells her he would be coming to see her that weekend and how much he misses and loves Missy. I let out a very loud “awww” because I can’t remember the last time I received such a message from any one. I am only used to texts like those ones of Steph, people asking for timetables or if the practical is still on Saturday and exactly at what time. Missy is now laughing {and I guess blushing} silently and I can only see her shoulders move with the motion of her laughter. Even before she can reply ,Babe promises to come early this time round and he is sorry for the puncture that delayed him last time and then he goes on to ask her what she would love him to bring her. Then the touts shouts “mwisho wa gari “ Saitan !I mean I had ideas and I really wanted to see if my ideas matched Missy’s. I would have told Babe to bring me a train, scented candles and a lot of food! Now I have to leave before I know what Our Babe will bring Missy!

So there’s time I really needed money for my mtumba and again I called my dad and told him how this time round the university wants all the students taking my course to have white gumboots for our Human Anatomy sessions.Two days later, I am seated at the cafeteria I receive a call from a new number. It is the courier service and they have a parcel for me. Yes you’ve all guessed right, my father had literally bought me the gumboots but all I wanted was money . Nimeziuza tu juzi OLX.

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