Being deliberate is something you may not be used to and maybe that’s why when I saw you, it shocked you that I may be interested to know you and follow it up with sequences of questions not intended to bore you, or bore in to you but only understand what it’d be like to be with you; genuinely, honestly, truthfully but you don’t want that and it’s fine. No! Like it really is. We should all go after what we want, with a clear mind and free of skepticism, I praise that. The only mistake of good fortune, I reckon, is that the chase came from our meet. I’m keen to mean what I feel to be real but the irrelevance of it is also true and for that I’m forever grateful. Why not be you? It takes little to no effort and that’s why we try, keeping all else hoping but never satisfied. It’s cool I learnt the game and aren’t afraid to play even though it may end before the rear, but good for souls like ours, we have guts over fear.

It can’t be, it wasn’t meant to but if at all anything makes it to come to, we already knew, few recline so that many align. Right? Wrong? I don’t know but we can agree neither do all who bar the lines of “just is” as justice. Till then, let’s just sit still and listen to the eloquence of silence before the noise of nonsense fills up our lives to relinquish the already present darkness. Attending a beauty pageantry was he, among the audience looking forward, staring and glaring at the glamour, grace and glory of the performance. Every contestant giving it their all to be announced the winner but so many would eventually become so few, and at last only leave one behind. The rest forgotten, their efforts downtrodden.

But how to get there? Every winner is a loser but not every loser is a winner. Looking at things like experience, image, expression, relation to the crowd, what wearing the Crown promises, more and more finalists were disappointed because they did not make the cut. Disqualified since they lacked this or had too much that, till it was time to choose between the last bunch, obviously going with the people’s favorite, coinciding with what the judges thought was best but who were actually blinded by prospects rather than focusing on precepts, the decision was made. Head sunken, face sullen, walking away shamed, not even able to congratulate, she was devastated.

To those paying attention, it made no sense that she lost. To those paying for the attention, it never was a loss. Only, she would know this after a while. It’s free to be disinterested thinking it freedom that’s free of charge paid by someone’s pain that frees no one. He chuckled and still sat there. Quite evident now. For far too long, he had apologized, when he wasn’t sorry, when he wasn’t wrong, all to have peace, all to make it better, for simply ‘being’. NO MORE! People discredit themselves. And so did you.

I haven’t been completely honest with you and I think you know it too. I once saw a Facebook post, you probably saw it too, reading, “stop texting first and you’ll see how many dead flowers you’ve been watering.’’ Now, not say that that’s been us or to point fingers but what better analogy is there to describe what’s been going on. It’s sad that I feel I’ve been trying and furthermore I know so have you, least I hope so but hope can be a very dangerous thing.

I need you to realize that I’m not blaming you but this is no applause either. Think I should leave it at that, if you really wanted to know you’d ask anyway but those are my thoughts. On my part, I’m sorry cause trying is never enough making satisfaction after failure not that unreasonable. Don’t cry, but if you end up doing so, it doesn’t change a thing since you have not the slightest idea what you’ve lost, ( kind of funny though, cause I mean, you can’t lose what you never had ). We don’t talk anymore like we used to, and I’ve learnt to love it no other way.



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